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The Elephant

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An elephant’s life is tedious, laborious and slow

I’ve been an elephant all me life so I blooming well ought to know

He never forgets a name or face ooooh!

He knows his way from place to place ooooh!

Remembers to be dutiful

And when to push and when to pull
An when he’s dead the dealer calls

And buys his tusks for billiard balls ooooh!

And all because an elephant’s got a perfect memory

That wasn’t the life for me!

So I’m suffering form amnesia

My mind’s a perfect blank!

Now life is very much easier

Amnesia’s to thank;

I’m being psychoanalysed

I lie on a divan

And flap me ears and try to look a barmy as I can!

I’m an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac

And I’ll stick in the Elephant’s nursing home

I’m suffering from Hysteria

I nearly split me sides

To watch the others get wearier

Of giving children rides;

I’ve told my psychoanalyst

That I’m a sacred cow

I’d like to carry a Howdah

But I can’t remember how

I’m an Introverted, Elephocentric, Hypochondriac

And I’ll stick in the Elephant’s nursing home

Till I get me memory back!

I suffer from Schizophrenia
It comes on me in spells

Sometimes I’m King of Armenia

At others I’m Orson Welles

I tell them I’m Napoleon

And all that sort of bunk

They never guess that all the time

I’m laughing up me trunk!

I’m an Introverted Elephocentric Hypochondriac

And I’ll stick in the Elephants’ nursing home

Till I get me memory back!

Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum!

Practising me trumpet half the night

Tra-tiddle-tumty-tumty tra-tiddletum!

And I’ll stick in the Elephants’ nursing home

Till I get me memory, get me memory, get me memory back!